We all think we know. Seven year olds think they know that ice cream is ok before dinner. Seventeen year olds think their parents just don't understand. Twenty seven year olds think everything is just so important and crucial. At thirty seven you begin to see the previous ages as just too much drama that you don't want to waste time with anymore. My guess is that at forty seven you start to let go, and really realize what is important. At fify seven i think your wise enough to see things clearly, but you stand back and let the young ones figure it out for themselves. At 67, you have advice again to give, but this time it's out of fear. At 77, I'm guessing you just don't give a shit anymore what anyone thinks, does, or says, because you've pretty much seen everything.
Being in my late thirties, I am begining to see that I really don't have time for mind games, drama, liars, and bullshit. I've been codependant now for years, as I have come to realize through therapy and reading books. I have been there before. Gossip, giving unwanted opinions, mind games, revenge, tears, and anger when those I tried to help didn't take my advice to help themselves or change. I realize I have spent most of my adult life caring so much about other people. Their problems, their lives. I spent all my precious energy on worry. Worrying if I was liked, loved. Worrying that i always gave and gave and never received. Who was there to reciprocate the time, energy, and ultimately the love I so freely gave to everyone around me.? No one. No one has. I have given so much of myself that I have been empty for years, wondering when it was my turn to be taken care of. Well knowing is half the battle, G.I Joe!!!
I will no longer be that person. I will only put energy into what I think, feel, and how I behave. Because I only need to please myself and be happy within myself. Nobody else will do this for me. I'm better now that I can see this in myself, and working hard towards changing it. I may be seen as cold or selfish among my friends, because no one is used to me being assertive, or saying no, or not going above and beyond to help. But that Is not my problem, and how I feel is important, and it has never been before. I matter as much as the next person, so i will treat myself that way. And expect others to treat me that way as well. I am growing, changing... It feels good. Why should I accept any less?
