There's more room in a broken heart: 1 year has passed

May 6th will be 1 year. One year ago I lost my best friend of 22 years to a brain aneurysm. I spend the last night of her life with her, laughing, eating, and talking. If I knew it was our last time together, I would have held her and never let her go. I would have told her I loved her, and not to be afraid. Instead, we laughed and joked, and danced like we had a tomorrow. Instead she never woke up.
So many times this year, I've needed her. More than I can count. For everything. For
nothing . For her calming effect on me. For how she loved my daughter. For her infectious laugh. For the many hours of useless bullshit we talked about. For my true love of her children. For her profound ability to connect with me using only her eyes. For all the conversations we had, and all the ones we never needed to have. For a million things.
I miss her, and feel sad that she is not here with me. I miss my other half. I don't care if we didn't share blood. We were sisters. Family. She was one of the great loves of my life. And when she died, she left a gaping hole in my heart that no one could fill.
If wishes came true she would have come back to me everyday since she left . I still don't understand out of all the people in the world, why it had to be her who died that night. I am lonely without her friendship.
I hope she knows how much I loved her. I know she knows. Through the powers and ability of my friend Jeanne who is an amazing medium, I got my answers. Jeanne told me the angels had to pull her out of this world. Literally pull her by the arms to get her to let go of this world. And when she faced the fact that she was not given a choice she had to let go.
I try to remember what Jeanne said to me. She said " Dana is telling me it hurts her to see you so sad. She wants you to know she always walking with you".
And she was right. I carry Dana with me everywhere I go. Today, I try to live not as she would want me to live, but I live by what brings me happiness. Because I know she would want me to be happy.
And now a quote from Wicked: For Good..
" It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. But let me say before we part, so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine, by being my friend."
Dana Darden
6/19/1972-5/6/2012